Thursday, December 25, 2008

happy birthday indeed

Him: Happy belated birthday, my cherished sweet little fuckmonkey.

me: Thank you, Master

Him: Well you won't get to blow your candles out.

me: i won't?

Him: No. You'll be made to stand over them, make a wish, and rub my meat until you use your cum to extinguish the flames... As you suck my cock.

me: whimpers

me: i need your cock, Master. Every day i need you more. And every day it gets more difficult to be away from you.

Him: Do you have any idea how badly your Master wants to feed it to you, use all your holes at my whim - my bitch always at the ready, always willing to serve?

me: i have no idea, Master.

Him: ALWAYS, CUNT. Your Master wants and needs you always.

me: Master, you're making me ache. I need to be filled by you.

Him: You will be. My meat will be filled with my cock, then stuffed in your mouth... Held deep. Cum splashed down your throat; so deep you won't taste it. Then you'll suck and adore me till hard again. Then my bitch will spread her ass wide for her Master and beg for her ass to be filled. And beg well, my little whore, because I will only drag it over your asshole softly until I am satisfied. My saliva dripping from my mouth , splashing over your little puckered hole. The head of Masters cock smearing it in.


me: Yes, Master.

Him: MY MEAT, WHORE! Is that clear?

me: whimpers and pants

me: Yes, Master... yours.

Him: Your entire being, your every thought belong to ME!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


His son was running late for school and still fast asleep. He said he was going to wake him by breathing his coffee breath in his face. I asked if he would wake me that way too. He said he had a much better way of waking me - he will be raping my ass.

We have been very focused on my ass lately. Well, really its his ass... it belongs to him and he can do whatever he wishes with it and whatever he wishes with me. He sent me to a sex shop the other day and had me shop for a butt plug while he was on the phone with me. He spoke filthy words in my ear and growled his orders to me while I tried to maintain my composure in public.

I felt like everyone was watching me and knew just what I was - his whore, his slut, his cumrag. They must have known I was talking to my Master. They must have known he was growling his orders to me - guiding me through the shop, telling me what to look for and what to avoid, telling me that he knew I was wet and soaking through my panties. He was right. My panties were soaked. He asked if I could smell his meat. I could, I did. The scent of arousal was intoxicating and I wondered if others could smell it if when they stood close to me. I wondered if the people in the shop, my fellow perverts, were aware of my shallow breathing and low panting. Did they know he was making his whore wet and desperate with need? Did they know I was nothing but his? Did they know I was owned and would do anything for my owner?

Once the butt plug was selected he asked me to look for a hood clamp. I went into their fetish section at the back of the store to look for one. I was greeted by a display of various floggers, cuffs, crops, nipple clamps, and even a few swings. He heard my breathing change in intensity and he asked what had caught my attention. I told him about the floggers and nipple clamps and he told me how he would be using both on me to torture my wanton flesh. Lost in the moment and drifting into subspace, I began to moan softly. I started to beg, calling out his name repeatedly. I was begging for him to make me cum and when I slipped slightly out of my subspace haze and realized where I was I begged him to not make me cum for fear that someone would see me. He was merciless - making my knees weak and my entire being tremble. He made me cum while I stood there looking at the vast array of nipple clamps. He made me cum in public - in a sex shop in the middle of a weekday. He made me cum for him because its what he wanted... and what I wanted or my comfort level were irrelevant.

He said he loved that I could cum for him without even touching myself. Knowing that I pleased him was a greater reward than the orgasm.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Him: Hi baby. It has been a hectic day of running. I only have a few minutes.

me: i'm holding baby B. She's in colic mode.

Him: smiles and kisses you both

me: Thanks, Master

Him: Tell her to knock it off or she gets the baby flogger.

me: laughs

Him: I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I wish I could help you. I should have written a baby care manual.

me: Run away with me where the cost of living is cheap... we'll take the four kids with us.

Him: Dare to dream.

me: i hear costa rica is nice.

Him: So do I.

Him: The bitch (aka his wife, soon to be ex-wife) will be here in a couple of minutes.

me: ok, Master. i hope you have a good night.

Him: I'd be better with my cum dripping from every hole on your body... ears INCLUDED.

me: so would i.

Him: The time will come, whore.

me: i'm counting on it, Master. i'm living for it.

Him: We will see about that.

me: Have faith, my Master. Its what you often tell me.

Him: You will be beaten down, marked and used and shown your sole purpose. You won't piss without permission.

me: i have it in writing and i'm holdng you to it.

Him: If my cock is hard and you aren't there to service it, bitch will know PAIN.

me: i love my demanding hardass motherfucker Master. And i love it when you're like this... makes your cunt drool.

Him: And as soon as your ass is alone the letter " S " will be scratched into my fucking meat to the point it is welted and that is what I will find in my mail next. Your gaol is to get to your desired shape and to keep your Masters meatholes TIGHT.

me: Scratch S... seriously?


me: i love you so much, Master.

Him: The " S " on my MEAT and Masters cockrest spread WIDE. Do I make myself clear, cumrag?

me: Yes, Master.

Him: Wet and wanting, whore. AM I CLEAR?

me: Master, i'm not usually wet without you.

Him: Make sure you are. Use your song and thoughts of what I am going to do to your flesh. You will sure crawl and grovel before me.

me: Yes, Master... i will do my best.

Him: Thats my good little cumguzzler. In fact, that may be all you are allowed to eat when you are here. My bitch will be waiting each time I come to the door at her hotel waiting to be fed - like a child deprived its candy. My cum your only nourishment.

me: Master, i love that you're finally thinking a little bit about me being with you.

Him: You have your task. Make sure it is done to the letter. Understood?

me: Yes, my Master... but i don't know when i'll be able to do it.

Him: Send him out when the babies are calm. I don't care what for, just make sure he leaves. Am I clear, my whore?

me: Yes, Master, but baby B doesn't usually calm before 9pm and by then i am totally exhausted. Can't i please do it tomorrow? Please, Master? Besides, where the heck can i reasonably send him at 9pm when we're both exhausted from dealing with the girls?

Him: You have til noon my time.

me: Yes, Master. Thank you for extending the deadline.

Him: Luckily for you I am in a kind mood.

me: You're always kind.

Him: Take care of the girls. Time for me to go.

me: Yes, Master. Have a good night.

Him: You will taste my meat once every thirty minutes any time you are awake until your task is complete. One finger shoved deep and immediately pulled out and cleaned, once every thirty minutes.

me: Master, i have babies. They don't always allow for these things and its hard to be wet when you're caring for a crying baby.

Master: WHEN ALLOWED you will do as told.

me: Yes, Master.

Him: You will NOT be shown such mercy when you are before me, cunt!

me: i know, Master. i won't expect it or even want it then.

Him: Good, I don't want you getting your hopes up.

me: You know what my hopes are, Master... and they don't involve mercy.

Him: None will be shown.

Him: Time to go.

me: Yes, Master.

I went to bed shortly after that conversation and was filled with anxiety over having to complete this task on time. Circumstances were making it very difficult. Family obligations were making it impossible. I barely slept because of it and I tried my best to do as instructed, but was feeling more and more stress as I watched the clock and felt time ticking away much too quickly. The next morning, we shared this exchange:

me: i'm watching the clock and getting more stressed by the minute. And now i'm crying because i'm failing you and i'm not supposed to fail you. If i can't complete a clear task, even with a deadline extension, then how am i supposed to make you happy?

Him: Shhhhhhhhhh, it's ok. Just calm down.

me: Am feeding baby A now. i haven't even showered yet. I've been reading old archived conversations from you to get my juices flowing, but it just isn't happening.

Him: ok. ok. Relax.

Him: ~Strokes your cheek with my fingers gently and kisses you softly~

me: i'm supposed to be your perfect girl, Master... and i'm so far from it. i've been repeatedly failing you, Master.

Him: Are you my cunt?

me: Yes, i'm your cunt.

Him: My whore?

me: Yes, Master.

Him: My bitch and friend?

me: Am i your friend? i don't know... i want you to think of me as your friend.

Him: Are you?

me: Yes, Master.

Him: Then you are my perfect girl. We all stumble, little girl.

me: But i've been failing you so much lately. i'm supposed to give you everything you want.

Him: There is stumbling and then there is failing. Failing to me is a refusal to complete a task. Do you refuse to do it?

me: No, Master.

Him: Then you have not failed me. You have much going on there. Trust i take all of it into consideration.

me: Master, i want to make you happy. You so rarely ask anything specific of me and now that you do, i'm failing to deliver.

Him: Stop. When you hear me say you have failed me, then you need to worry. Do I make myself clear?

me: Yes, Master.

Him: Good girl. Now stop crying.

me: i can't.

Him: My bitch is strong. There is no need to cry.

me: i'm just upset with myself.

Him: I know you have a need to please and you can be weak in your love for me. You did not refuse.

me: i won't ever refuse.

Him: I know you won't. You are Masters good little fuckdoll, aren't you?

me: Yes,Master.

Him: Then smile because I see you no other way.

me: Master, i even tried thinking of you and touching myself when i went back to bed at 6:30am... and still nothing.

Him: Your mind and body are worn down. You have a child in your lap at most times during the day.

me: But when you're with me my body always responds.

Him: I know it does, as mine does to you.

me: Truly, Master?

Him: Truly

me: i love you so much, Master.

Him: And had you not a child in your arms your Master would surely make his bitch ooze for him.

I did end up completing his task. I showered after we spoke and masturbated, with his permission, and then used the tip of a pair of scissors to scratch the letter "S" on his freshly shaven meat until that "S" was red and irritated and raised. I photographed it and emailed him the evidence of my completed task... serving as further evidence of my devotion to him.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

for S

A mix of fantasy and reality, with the hope that it will all become reality some day soon. My words are dedicated to my owner, S. He inspires me, he gives me strength, he makes me who and what I am. He gives me purpose. He is, with the exception of my children, the one for whom I live. This chronicles how I am finding happiness through my submission to the one I call Master.